August 2007 Archives

Went to the opera last night - The Flying Dutchman. As a quick aside, the german language was really never meant to be sung poetically. It was also REALLY never meant to be sung in a dueling banjo kind of way where the tenor and the soprano are singing about two completely different and non harmonizing things. It really is like listening to someone shouting very angrily through an old walkie-talkie while underwater - right twig? But moving on.

This is seattle, we're known for not really dressing up for anything, but this was the opera, surely we must put forth some effort, right? I'm dressed to the 10's (that's right, one better than the nines) and A's rockin' the pale blue vietnamese dress. We were the best dressed ones there by far, and that's including the folks who blew a couple hundred to be really close to the angry german sailors. But the low end of the scale, oh man. There were many a sample to choose from but I believe our shining example is going to be: Top Hat man.

I know, top hat, got to be cool, right? Well not if he's also wearing ripped up jeans and some sort of hideous mr. rogers/bill cosby sweater monstrosity. And especially not if the top hat is a floppy felt kind. Tack on that it's sort of patchwork black and white with a giant Yin Yang symbol on the top. Bonus points for the fact that the Yin Yang the dots were little bats bats. Stained bats. A crushed velvet bat bedecked asian themed stained top hat sitting atop a man who mugged america's favorite sit-com dad or neighbor.

But hey, the girl snacking on almonds brought in a little jar (so as not to disturb people by opening crinkly packaging) next to me was pretty cute and I've got a whole host of funny new names for characters thanks to the donor list so not a bad evening really.

I've got a book that's sort of a "how to be evil" guide - sort of like those worst case scenario books but more instructional. Early on there's a quiz to see how fit to be evil you are. I don't have nightmares about unicorns and puppy dogs but I'm apparently at least a little bit above zero on the evilness scale.

Someone decided to make a MySpace account and use my work email address for some reason. Over the last few days he and "katie" have been having a long conversation wherein he tells her he loves her and then calls her a raging bitch because she's working at hooters and that's no place for the mother of his child to be workin' - he won't have his kid be raised in da hood - and he's challenged her new man to a race (presumably for "honor").

So now I've gotten a "change email confirmation" message and my options are thus.

1. let him change his email address
2. delete his account
3. send out lots and lots of messages his friends list with all sorts of inane and/or creative tirades.

I'm leaning more towards three at this point.

I've written and deleted about 7 different introductions to this and none of them do justice, so we're just going to dive in. Being a satellite member of "team etruria" I often get exposed to some interesting stories some of which I can't share at work for fear of some forced "re education and sensitization", so instead I'll just share one here instead.

A (initials only will be used here to protect the innocent, except for "Z", I'm pretty sure you can figure out who that is). So A gets up, "I've got gas, I'm going to go eat me some charcoal" and proceeds to grab two large shiny pure black pills.
J: what do you have there.
A: These are my black pills, they're going to make me turn black. I can already feel my hair getting curly.
J: Them's be Nigga Pills!
A: Watermellon does sound awfully good right now.
Z: (after regaining breath) I can never tell this story at work. I can explain that you're black J but no one will believe me. Off to HR I go.
J: Blonde hair, blue eyes, you are awfully racist looking.

Which of course sort of pales in comparison to the tale of the assaulting an inflatable fish in traffic and covering one's face with spray adhesive before thinking about what it might feel like to have that in your eyelashes.

I love team etruria.