September 2005 Archives

Dogs love to roll in stinky crap, lord only knows why, and they always seem extrodinarily happy after the fact. They trot up to you, smiling and wagging and making you want to retch. You can see where this is going.

Addie comes up and is smiling and stinky as all hell and she's not only rolled in something but it was something gooey and wet. Muck covering both sides. I take her in and clean her off and she only stinks a little now. She's sitting on the ground licking herself dry and I start to think... when was it she could have rolled in that? There's nothing in the back yard, and I would have noticed when I got home... Yep, that just leaves the graveyard. At some point on our nightly stroll through the land of the undead she went off into the darkness, found some sort of open pit, and rolled in whatever liquidy goodness was down in there.

I'm not sure which I prefer the thought of, some kind of tipped over sanican or an impropperly burried corpse.

So someone was practicing writing a bot to post spam to comments (thanks for the notice there Betty Crocker) and decided to say hello to this site. I say practicing because it posted a comment about every 30 minutes rather than every few nanoseconds, and had such witty things to say as "your blog is very interestint". Now it may just be me and my pride in my work ethic, but if I'm going to litter the digital world with crap I'm at least going to make sure it's free of glaring typos. Given my writing and it's typo-density I'm fully aware of how hypocritical it is to say that :)

Anyway, 4 bot came back a few times, the first 3 or 4 pimping some sort of viagra website, then news, then viagra again, and then just some random URL. He did have some vaguely poetic things to say though, such:

A heap of wheat, says the Song of Songs
but I've never seen wheat in a pile :)
did you like it?

I will give the little bastard credit for one thing though, the various places the bot came from (be they spoofed or otherwise) were amusing to me. My favorite being the "CHILD GUIDANCE CLINIC" with a close second being "RIVER CITY AUTO RECOVERY" - I wonder if their mechanics all wear blue shirts?

4 Bot author, should you be reading this, MySQL took 0.0147 seconds to delete where poster = '4'.

Living within close proximity to a ready supply of hookers leads to some interesting sights. Tonight on my drive home I saw a woman either on her way to or just having left your first trick. It's this woman, kind of heavy set, in tight jeans and a pink shirt she obviously wasn't used to wearing. Slowling walking away from the shitty cheap hotel near the cemetary (other side) and she's crying. Sipping from a cup of water and crying as she walks along the side of the highway.

I really didn't know what to think. I wanted to stop and throw money at her and say, "don't do it, go home and come up with a better way", but I didn't. I drove on and went home. I feel bad for not offering that out but I also don't how much more it would have damaged her to see a car swerve to the side of the road and wait for her to approach.

It was a fucked up drive home.

In this lesson we observe as the zack samples a "special" browny. From trusted sources, zack is informed that the blend is especially "good" and that half a browny would do people nice. Package is presented and zack selects an approximatly "half-browny-size" slice. This turns out to be a full browny size slice.

First hour, not much, think this whole thing is overrated. Music is good though.

Second hour, starting to get a little dry mouth, some slurred speach, things are somewhat amusing. I guess this could do it for someone. I'm hungry. Am I actually hungry or am I imagining being hungry because I've been conditioned to expect munchies. A good engineer takes notes. Leave for food, no Gyros, come back. Music is now slow and depressing.

Leave to find gyros. Purchase gryo, look for nice soft spot on the ground to eat on. Sample Gyro.

Snap awake, half of gyro consumed. Dutifully consume remainder of gyro. Sort of sleepy so decided to shake myself awake. Vision stops blurring and smearing. This really can't be a fun thing to do on a regular basis. Decide to let it burn off at home, go to hail a cab.

Forgoing some tempting bushes, I make it to the men's room and attempt to say hello to a urine covered toilet. Converstaion is brief, no words exchanged.

Time passes. Emerging from Center House it has apparently been raining for a while. Hail cab, return home, sleep through Indian Jones.

Once again consious but with a bad headache, it is unlikely I will get to see tonight's concerts (elvis costello), and am pissed about missing earlier shows.

Drinking has a new buddy for activities I rarely participate in.

Anna was bored and clicking around the web this morning, I asked what for and she said nothing in particular, she was looking for something to search for.

"I hear tell that 'porn' has a few results." Which prompted the question, if you were to do a google search for "porn", how far down on the list would the first non-porn link be? Since having Anna present legitimzed the "research", google.com -> "porn" -> Go.

#4. The fourth link down is non porn. And it's not even about porn - anti porn addiction site or something - it's Vegan Porn. Skinny pale people you think? Nope, it's news and information about the vegan lifestyle that just apparently makes vegans really really happy. Not counting that, #7 was a PBS article on porn and #8 was a resource for those living with someone with a porn or sexual addiction.

#1 was Penis Bot's Porn Links though, and I imagine if you were to search more specifically for "albino midget porn" the density-o-porn would be somewhat higher. I chose not to go further along that line of research.

I'll write about bumbershoot and the 50 year old, leather cock flap clad, beer gut flaunting, hideously gyrating ex rock stars later. Yes that's all one person. Mike knows.